This year, California became the second U.S. state to legalize same-sex marriage. Massachusetts became the first in 2004. While many U.S. states have since banned same-sex marriages, several including New Jersey, recognize some form of civil unions for same-sex couples.

For couples who don’t live in or can’t make the trip to one of the above states, a commitment ceremony can serve the same purpose in making a public statement of your love and commitment before your family and friends. It’s also a great reason to celebrate your love with a big party! Although the basics of organizing the event may be the same, there are several distinctive guidelines to consider when planning your same-sex ceremony.

Things to consider:

• Type of Ceremony - Depending on the state of residence, gay couples may have the option of planning a full marriage, civil union or commitment ceremony. You may also want to decide if you and your partner desire a religious or non-religious ceremony.
• Officiant – if you’re planning a marriage or civil union you’ll need to find a civil servant or an officiant from a religion that leaves the decision to individual clergy (Buddhist, some Protestant,Reform Jewish).
• Vows – writing your own vows can be a touching and personal way of conveying your love & commitment not only to your partner, but to your friends and family.
• Attire – wear whatever you like! Be who you are!
• Attendants/Wedding Party – if you want friends & loved ones to be by your side for your ceremony, by all means ask them! Designate a “best man” or “best woman”, “Maid of Honor”, etc. – these are the people who will “witness” your union and sign any legal documents necessary.
• Reception – can we throw a big reception or should we keep it intimate and private? It’s all a personal preference. Some couples choose to throw a big bash, complete with a dance band or DJ, caterer, décor, etc. and some couples may choose a more private celebration – a special dinner in a private dining room, a small gathering on a beach, a celebration at your home. Anything goes… it’s your special day! The only limitations are your own imagination.
• Entertainment – choose an entertainment company, band or DJ that is sensitive to the unique nature of your ceremony and event. Make sure they have experience and a comfort level in doing same-sex weddings & celebrations and will handle all the details of your event with class and sophistication. Use the same criteria when selecting your other vendors – reception venue, photographer, videographer, florist, etc. Word of mouth referrals can be very helpful in finding the right vendors. It may also be beneficial to look for vendors that are designated as “gay owned” or “gay friendly”.
• Gift registry – the internet can be very helpful in finding gift registries that are “gay friendly”. Websites such as gayweddings.com or rainbowweddings.com can be a great resource.

Like everything about the wedding – “custom” is the key word. Make your big day as magical, unique and special as your love.